Being My Father’s Daughter

My dad was a teacher, and like many outstanding teachers, he never took time off from teaching. Sure, there were vacations and summers, but he was always on the job. If no students were around, he always had my sister and me.

I  put together some of his most important lessons, which I called “Sam Elkind’s Guide to Living a Rewarding Life.”
I wrote this to read at his funeral service. Putting it all down on paper  made me feel, at least in part, that I understood him and why he had lived such a satisfying life. I hope I got it right.
April, 2001
  • First, stay connected. Pick up the phone, write a letter, send an e-mail. Don’t put this off. It’s just as important as the other things you’re doing. Call for no reason, just to check in and say “How ya doin’?” He always did this, which is why his network of friends goes back to junior high and high school and extends to all corners of the world.
  • Treasure your friends and your family. Tell them you treasure them, using your own words.
  • Keep moving—physically, intellectually, and spiritually.
  • Read something challenging, try to understand it—and then talk to people about it. And don’t just talk to people who think the way you do. Mix it up a little.
  • Sit in the sun.
  • Take a nap.
  • Or, better still, combine these two things with a baseball game—but don’t necessarily follow the game. Go with friends or family and use the time together to talk about life and the arts and other things.
  • Lose yourself in music, any kind of music. Dance whenever you can. Teach your children to love music and how to dance. Consider it an honor to dance with them.
  • Be patient.
  • Retain a sense of wonder. Never cease to be amazed at things.
  • Keep an open mind and an open heart.
  • Be a good student.
  • When you screw up, admit it.
  • Keep someone’s legend alive. Tell the favorite stories over and over and laugh until you cry. Repeat as necessary.
  • Wear your heart on your sleeve. Tell the people you love that you love them. Look them in the eyes and tell them. And not just on special occasions.
  • Be a devoted brother, a good uncle, and a surrogate father to anyone who needs one.
  • If people do a great job and you are proud of them, tell them. Say, “You did a great job and I’m very proud of you.” Someone else’s success does not diminish your own.
  • Be generous with compliments and praise.
  • Eat with gusto.
  • Try to look good and keep your shoes shined.
  • Find the joy in simple things: a nice walk with a friend …a perfect, clear day…a great knish.
  • Be true to your teeth or they’ll be false to you.
  • Be there for someone. Be the person that people can talk to. Keep your door open.
  • If you have been lucky enough to find your passion, pursue it with all you have. Keep the passion alive by challenging yourself and setting new goals. Don’t rest on your laurels.
  • Plan your work and work your plan.
  • Always thank your cast and crew.
  • See the world and fall in love with new places, but always leave your heart in San Francisco.
  • And when you find that you can’t keep moving anymore, and you can no longer eat with gusto and it is time to rest on your laurels, then reflect on a life well lived. Tell your family, your caregivers and your many friends how much you love and appreciate them.
  • Give them a chance to say goodbye and thank you.
  • And finally, leave wonderful memories and your own legend for everyone to keep alive.    

11 Responses to Being My Father’s Daughter

  1. Sandy says:

    Beautiful. So many worthy thoughts.I loved reading this.Sweet man.


  2. fadedginger says:

    What a beautiful eulogy for your dad. His sounds like a life well lived.

  3. Sit in the sun, take a nap … combine at a ball game! All of it is great, but that cracked me up.

  4. I love this: “Keep someone’s legend alive. Tell the favorite stories over and over and laugh until you cry. Repeat as necessary.” You’ve done exactly that. Sounds like a great man, a wonderful father. Thank you for sharing him.

  5. So many words of appreciation he taught you, what a gift and what a lovely tribute.

  6. What great advice – especially about letting people know how much we appreciate them. And I love the napping in the sun – my father was the same way!

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