This is mostly true. Some exaggeration. Mostly true, though.
I am not one of those white-knuckled passengers sitting next to you on the airplane. As long as I am wearing earrings with stars, I am fine. If I am wearing earrings with stars, and can find an aisle seat in row 14, or row 5, or a row whose digits add up to 5 or 14, I am comfortable and happy.
I almost always wear something white also. Once I find the right row and touch my earrings to make sure the stars are still there, I take a gingerly peek in the seat pocket in front of me for an airsickness bag, just in case. I used to be bad with landings, but then I discovered the patch: I put one behind my ear and that takes care of my motion sickness. Except for flying into and out of Telluride, CO. Nothing helps with that one. So I check my earrings, feel the patch behind my ear, and keep my eye on the bag.
Earrings, patch, bag, row 14. I read my two-week old copy of The New Yorker and watch for the moment the plane leaves the ground. I lift both feet as the plane rises, helping to fight the earth’s gravity. The thing about lifting my feet I learned from one of my son’s friends. Since she commuted across the country for four years in college, I figured she knew something I didn’t. It’s a small gesture, but a significant one, I think.
I do not listen to the flight attendants while they give their speech about flotation devices and water landings. I have heard it before and do not want those images cluttering up my mind.
Once I have helped get the plane in the air, I busy myself with reading, trying to sleep, and glancing out the window. I drink water or ginger ale, so I don’t have to worry about spilling my drink on my white shirt. I’ll probably save my snacks for later. Airplane snacks will never get stale.
On longer flights I will sometimes watch the TV show reruns without the sound on and try to guess what the actors are saying by looking at their body language and facial expressions. It used to be “Friends” all the time, but now it seems to be more “Big Bang Theory.” If I fly with Jet Blue, I can figure out what to watch by peeking down the row to other passengers’ monitors. Lots of Real Housewives to choose from. There’s really no need for sound.
I have recently acquired my own pair of pink earbuds. Mine came with three sizes—including some that are pretty small—which is terrific for someone like me who has had trouble with earbuds that are too big. One less thing to worry about.
And I never actually put anything in the seat pocket in front of me, since they are toxic and full of other people’s detritus way down in there. I read an article about it.
Rest assured, I do everything I can (row 14, white shirt, star earrings, patch, feet up) to make sure that our travel experience will be uneventful and pleasant, so relax and enjoy your flight.